Are Therapy Buzzwords Making Us Worse at Relationships?
Social media has been an incredible resource for making psychological ideas more accessible. It helps many people find language to describe what they feel, name harmful dynamics, and give courage to seek support. Having practices, tools, and language to locate our experiences can be deeply empowering for what has felt unspeakable.
But when therapy terms become soundbites, they can lose nuance.
Over time, words like narcissist, gaslighting, or trauma-dumping can start to dominate conversations in ways that shut curiosity down rather than open it up.
Language, which is meant to foster understanding can sometimes be used to misdiagnose, label, or even weaponize.
These terms aren’t inherently wrong, as they each hold truth and importance when used with care and context. Yet language alone isn’t enough to capture the complexity of our inner lives or the nervous system’s many ways of protecting us.
Why does it matter?
As a somatic practitioner, I notice how language shapes the way we show up relationally. When therapy terms are misapplied, they flatten the richness of what’s actually happening inside us, and we risk losing access to depth of rich relational experiences.
Take the word “triggered.” Sometimes we use it as shorthand for wanting to step away from something that feels uncomfortable. But discomfort isn’t always a sign of danger. Acknowledging what feels uneasy and setting boundaries around engagement is different from shutting down entirely. A true trigger is a body’s survival response tied to a past trauma - not simply moments of tension or disagreement. They are involuntary responses include physiological flashbacks that can bring the body into fight, flight, or freeze.
The same happens with misuse of the word “boundaries.” Shutting someone out and calling it a boundary, becomes a way to justify avoidance in conflict rather than to support connection with clarity and care. True boundaries protect aliveness in relationships, they help us stay engaged with others, while allowing ourselves to experience edges of safety to expand our tolerance for discomfort. I’ve written about why boundaries are relational here.
Another misused term I hear often is “love bombing.” It’s often used casually; “They text me every morning, total love bomber.” In truth, love bombing describes a manipulative pattern where affection is used to gain control or trust, often followed by periods of withdrawal. The difference lies in intent and repetition, not in early enthusiasm. When we use the term loosely, we might miss opportunities for genuine intimacy. Instead of noticing that connection feels intense or unfamiliar, we might label it as unsafe — cutting ourselves off from what could actually be a secure relational experience.
Similarly, “emotional unavailability” is often reduced to behaviour, “They're emotionally unavailable because they don't text back right away.” True emotional unavailability is a deeper difficulty accessing or expressing feelings, often rooted in attachment wounds or fear of vulnerability. It’s less about texting habits and more about emotional presence and attunement.
When we rush to label others this way, we also lose touch with our own needs — maybe we’re longing for more contact, reassurance, or consistency. Quick judgments can prevent us from naming what we truly want in co-creating connections.
Ultimately, when pop therapy words are used haphazardly, we risk disconnecting from our bodies and each other.
This isn't about mastering precision in language or getting it “right” — it’s about accepting that our experiences are truly nuanced. When we slow down to notice what’s really happening beneath the words, we make room for more honesty, repair, and intimacy.
Next time you find yourself naming a behaviour — in yourself or someone else — see if you can also name the need beneath it.
What might this moment be asking for...safety, space, understanding, or contact?
Community Resources & Tools
Getting to Know Your Sticky Emotions Feeling stuck when it comes to understanding some of your stickier emotions? I created a detailed workbook with somatic practices to help you navigate these.
Free Nervous System Regulation Toolkit: Master Your Window of Tolerance - Get your step-by-step guide to understanding hyperarousal (anxiety) and hypoarousal (shutdown), and learn practical ways to regulate in relationships.
Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Practices: Somatic exercises to help regulate emotions, build presence, and stabilize your nervous system.
MOVEMENT as meditation: If you’re looking for practices beyond traditional meditation, ISMETA offers a free weekly online moving meditation session — a wonderful way to explore mindful movement in community: